This is my year of Hamilton the musical, and I am not alone, 16 Tony noms is proof of that. I didn't know much of anything about him or our nation's history at that time. Thanks to my first love, music, I have learned so much and am learning more because I actually want to. Well this does correlate to my thoughts, remember readers stream of consciousness writing from an INFJ can be really involved. #Hamilton has so many beautiful songs and relationships as well as the history. But from the moment I listened to the cast album, which was months ago and I'm still listening every day, I felt so connected to Angelica & Hamilton's relationship. How much you can tell they loved each other, truly loved each other, and yet they kept their relationship familial. He made mistakes but he loved his wife Eliza, and Angelica loved her sister so that she gave up her chance with Hamilton. Plus, as addressed in the music Angelica knows in that society she is responsible for furthering her family's name and status. So they are never together romantically even though they are so compatible and she loves him.
It is so easy for me to understand this,and yet even when I first fell in love with #HamiltonTheMusical there was really no reason I should understand. Then understanding became experience, and it was as if my life was (once again) orchestrated to prepare me for experience.
It was listening to "Take a Break" when I had my I-will-love-this-show-forever moment. I've only had a few of these even though I do love theater, but previously only Rent & Wicked gave me the same feeling. It was all about a comma, punctuation in a letter, in a phrase, but the power that one tiny thing holds is so beautifully expressed by Angelica in the song that it truly pulled at my heart. The breath taken, the desperate and hopeful pause in her voice, the love expressed tore at my soul.
And then it happened, just now in my life it happened and I am so grateful I don't even know how to truly express it. Like #Hamilton my story isn't even a conversation, a modern letter, a text because that is how I talk to you. Damn it, you are so precious to me and I can never really let you know because I don't even know how to say it. Maybe one day I'll figure it out but I don't know how. I don't even know if there is a way to explain to someone that you love him, you know your life is better with him in it, you know your life just isn't right without him, and yet hey don't be threatened because I also love and respect my husband. I love you, and I need you, but I don't want to scare you away. I don't want to alienate your wife because I actually think she must be fantastic- I mean, you chose her after all.
I have daydreams all the time of getting to spend time with you, in person, just us, the 4 of us, the kids and all of us, so many different configurations and every single one makes me smile. These thoughts make me wish, and hope, and pray, that I can figure out how to make it happen some day. So now here I am stuck trying to figure out if i will ever be able to make these things happen. I pray they do, daily I pray they do. And now I know why, you are #Hamilton to my Angelica, and I am grateful for that in my soul.
My dearest, Angelica / No worries love